why I believe in imperfection.

Once upon a time this blog was called Hating Martha…imperfection at its best (the old button is below). I was asked repeatedly WHY I named it that. WHY imperfection was so important to me. It’s late, but it’s time to share. I apologize for getting deep and personal.

I’ve written this post many times and rewritten and rewritten it. Each time I read it I take something out. Or add something. Or get worried that my words are mixed up and won’t be understood. See, what I want to say I want to be HEARD! Like, take to heart, sleep with it every day kind of heard! I want you to wrap it around you and walk around with it every minute of the day. Especially if you are a woman. Not to say men don’t have insecurities and stuff. But…women seem to have it ten-fold. We create it for ourselves, wallow in it, bring others into it with us, and then never realize that we are soaking in our own mud of insecurity. We don’t get out, wash it off, help the others out, and watch out for the puddles.

I believe in imperfection. I welcome it, I thrive in it, I seek it. That sounds strange, and almost silly. Why would anyone want to be imperfect?

See…in my imperfection I am reminded that it’s okay to not get it right. I am okay with seeing my mistakes and failures. And, I’m not just talking creatively here. No, I’m talking the big, real life. I want to see my screw-ups. I want to have to apologize. I want to feel like a tool sometimes.

Why? Because in those mistakes and screw-ups I am learning. I am feeling remorse, empathy, and guilt. I am reminded that I don’t have it all figured out. And it brings me down to earth. It helps me look at another’s “stuff” and not get my nose up in the air. It’s awfully hard to stare at another’s mistakes and get too judgemental when you just screwed up yourself. Instead, I find myself wanting to help, to hug them (not really, I don’t hug…figuratively), and to show them kindness.

You would think my imperfections would cause insecurity, wouldn’t you?? And don’t get me wrong, I have my insecurities! But…my imperfections, my mistakes, my quirks aren’t the things that cause them. Funny enough. Those things give me a sense of community with others. See…I KNOW you probably have some of the same imperfections. And that makes me feel like we can be friends. Even if you go around acting like you are okay and nothing gets to you…I KNOW. And that gives me peace about myself.

And this is what I want you to HEAR. You don’t need to do everything. You don’t need to be everybody. You don’t even need to pretend. Really. And if YOU stop pretending and being all things. And I stop pretending and being all things. And SHE stops pretending and being all things then maybe, maybe…we will empower others to be okay with not being everything. Maybe we will empower women to be okay with themselves. To not feel the need to be all things and be perfect at each of those things.

But guess what the most important part is? Yikes. This part stinks. It’s grace. I know, stinky word. But…here’s the rub. Women aren’t so great at granting grace to other women. We ask a lot of each other. Don’t get me wrong, there are some that have grace down pat. But…there is still a heck of a lot of cattiness and jr. high behaviour amongst grown women. We women are a mean breed sometimes.  And that does not help us gain power over our insecurities. And that’s a shame. Because as much as we can be a mean breed…we have a lot of power as a clan! If only, if only…that power were used for grace and kindness. And empowering and building. And teaching and helping.

So here’s my thing. I am imperfect in every way possible I am sure. I will make so many mistakes. I have made them on this blog. I have said something stupid. I have done something ugly. And guess what, I’ll do it again. Because I am learning, I am growing, I am trying. Which means I keep screwing up. Grant me grace, please. But most importantly, understand that imperfection means beauty, and change, and growth. And a life lived. And darn it…I want to live my life well. So, I welcome imperfections in myself…and in you!

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-Serenity Now-